1. when i was a little boy i spoke farsi but no one knows how i learned it.
2. i have successfully performed the imperious curse 3 times on my boyfriend’s dick
3. i am the nicest person you will ever fucking meet
4. i live under a toadstool
5. people think i’m lying about being a virgin because i use super jumbo tampons but i can’t help it if i’ve got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina
*on my deathbed* son.. i have a very important secret to tell you.. come closer…. closer…. okay.. its…. ONE WEIRD TRICK FOR WHITE TEETH
i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole lifeI am a shining beacon of hope.
Baby bats are very tiny and helpless. Momma bats are able to locate their young by sniffing out their unique scents. By knowing exactly what their babies smell like, they’re never lost in a cave full of hundreds of other bats. Mom and baby also have unique sounds. When she returns from a night of hunting, she immediately recognizes and follows the noise that her offspring gives off in order to locate it.